The memes are true. January always feels like the longest. It tests us to see are we really ready to commit to the goals we set for 2019? Or is the way we were living “good enough” for now and maybe we will try again next year. February is flying by, and I have settled in with my word for the year: shift. How is that going for me? I ask myself. What have I shifted?
1.Well for starters I haven’t chewed off all of my nails. Ever since I was little, I never liked long nails, between sports and music they just seemed to get in the way. You can always tell my mental state by looking at my nails. I always like having them painted, but they are the first thing to go when I get anxious or worried about something. This month it became a sort of pulse check. When I would feel like stripping my nails of all their glory, I was reminded to check in with myself about why. Rather than stuffing it for another time or have it come out sideways, I worked on dealing with the worry and did what I could control and then let the rest go. It’s amazing how our bodies communicate with us if we take the time to listen.
2. Back in October, I joined a boxing gym. It has been the best shift for my body, mind, and soul. I had always wanted to try it but made every excuse why the time wasn’t right. The fall of 2018 I noticed I had cashed in the phrase “treat yo self” too many times. My internal and external worlds were off balance. For me, it’s essential for my body to have an outlet for unwanted energies from the day. The older I get, the more I notice how my body keeps score of what I don’t deal with. Boxing is one of the ways that helps me love and respect my body. It surprised me how it isn’t just about hitting a bag or getting a fantastic workout, but more of a total body check in. Going through the combinations allows me space to work with my breath, which helps clear my mind of the day’s junk. It’s almost like a meditation of sorts, even with all the action. This month I met my goal of attending twelve classes! A bonus of this consistency is that I have made new friends too!
3. I have begun owning the part of my personality that is highly sensitive. I have an acute ability to read energies in a space and change the energy in a room with my own. For better or worse. I feel everything if I let it. It can be a real rollercoaster if I’m not aware. I hate rollercoasters. Even when I am aware it can be hard to regulate, especially within my body of work. This month has been a lesson in humility as I have seen how my failed attempts in controlling my sensitive nature can come at a cost. It can make me unapproachable and stifle progress in relationships. Relationships are everything to me. It was hard not to feel that I took steps backward. I’m learning with good mentors and guidance on how to have grace for myself when I am more reactive than prescriptive and how to better navigate who I am in the beautiful chaos that is teaching. I’m learning how to have hard conversations, knowing it’s all going to come out someway, whether through my body language or other people, so dealing with it directly has been healing and rewarding for all involved.
Interrupting old patterns is hard, exposing your own weaknesses is hard but it brings me great joy to write how I am unfolding into wholeness as I shift.
Are you shifting anything in your life? What helps you show yourself compassion?
Make it beautiful,
Sara
make it beautiful 